Let’s Talk about traumaversaries
As Bessel Van der Kolk explains, and any trauma survivor can attest, the body keeps the score. The concept of a “traumaversary” comes from this knowing. Irritability, an overall “triggered” feeling in the body, not wanting to be touched, extra fatigue, having accidents, a general feeling of being lost or confused…these are all examples of how one might experience a traumaversary. However, with a little awareness and some easy preparation, navigating a traumaversary doesn’t have to upend your existence.
For those of us who’s trauma happened earlier in life, our minds may have provided extra protection by not storing tangible data about a trauma event(s). This suppression of memories, while a gift, can make it hard to access exact dates that an event happened. This can give traumaversaries an extra element of unwelcome surprise. Adopting mind-body practices, such as breathwork and meditation, can help bring awareness to the body’s expressions of trauma, while paying attention to the patterns over time can help with identifying the when, making it less possible to be caught off-guard.
Tangible steps to take for pinpointing when a traumatic event(s) happened
Note events that seem cyclical, such as repeated car accidents, breakups, interpersonal fights, illnesses, etc. You can also pay attention to when you feel easily overwhelmed, triggered, irritable, anxious, etc and this is different in some way from your day-to-day. If that feeling happens cyclically, such as around holidays when you had to historically be around an abuser for example, it may signify a traumaversary. Having a place, such as a calendar, where you can document these events can help with this discovery process.
Preparing for an upcoming traumaversary
As you anticipate a traumaversary, spending some time preparing can help the experience feel smoother and lower the potential for additional trauma to happen.
Consider:
Noting the traumaversary on a calendar so you have a visual reminder of it approaching. You may consider putting an extra day on the front and back ends to provide additional padding, giving space for anticipatory feelings and decompression of the experience.
Finding a way to make space in your schedule during those days. If it’s feasible, taking time off work/school/housework/childcare can be really supportive.
Preparing a soft place to land. A blanket fort, a bed full of pillows, a retreat in the woods. Your choice: what helps you feel safe and supported?
Alerting your people to the time on the calendar and asking for their support in allowing space as well as grace.
Scheduling an additional therapy session for additional support.
For additional exploration, listen to WE ARE NOT BROKEN podcast, episode 27 here.
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