The Thing about coping mechanisms

Here’s the thing:

I LOVE coping mechanisms.

I bet you didn’t expect that from a DOCTOR. But it’s true. And for one very simple reason:

For a trauma survivor, a coping mechanism can be the difference between life and death. And that’s not dramatic. When someone has experienced sexual assault, their bodies (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) have experienced a violence they are not structurally created to endure. That means our nervous systems going into a state of overwhelm and, without a way of coping, could mean serious consequences. I have a lot of respect for what got a survivor through, myself included.

That’s not to say that every coping mechanism is built for sustainability. Some are short-term, easy-to-access, providing quick relief. Unfortunately those are always the same ones that introduce other impacts that are often unwanted.

Still, I don’t like to think of coping mechanisms as “good” or “bad”, but rather as a spectrum of choices that meet a variety of needs, and it’s important that we evaluate them in the context of our needs as survivors. Some meet the immediate need of moving someone through a challenging time, but then create additional challenge with long-term use, such as addiction, cancer, and other health issues. Others take time and committed practice before the effects are felt, and so are not so helpful in the immediate moment.

My approach is simple: ADD before you SUBTRACT.

Regardless of our personal opinions on particular coping mechanism, if it’s the only thing supporting a survivor and we try to take it from them, we set them up for failure. And that failure is serious, leading to more damaging choices, possibly even death.

While I’m always open to sharing resources with a survivor, I’m much more excited about helping them build their toolbox of coping mechanisms. We want them to have options firmly in place that are sustainable and supportive of their other recovery goals, before we engage the work of removing something.

The part that makes most people uncomfortable about this is the TIME it takes. It takes time to establish meditation practices, to created a trust relationship with a therapist, to find safety in housing and in our bodies. But it’s worth it. If we can get someone to a place where they feel really supported, the necessity of the damaging coping mechanism starts to fade.

If you want to explore this topic more, including some of my personal stories, listen to WE ARE NOT BROKEN ep. 29: Let’s talk coping mechanisms.

If you’re ready to start your healing journey with someone who’s been there, schedule your free fit check here.